The guilt that can feed a soul

There’s a struggle that’s happening. A struggle that I can’t comprehend. I can read my bible and pray to all my hearts desire for answers but still, something feels like it’s missing and I can’t quite seem to make it out. It at times feels overwhelming, it at times feels that things can’t be accomplished but again and again, I can continue to write out this blog and then repeatedly continue to delete, delete, delete. Look, I just want to be real. That’s all that we ever want to be with our blog and all that we ever want to be when it comes to providing a transparency in our lives, our lives now as we have been called to serve as an overseas missionary family, here alongside Project Mañana, in the Dominican Republic.

Why am I getting moments of feeling guilt lately? I know that there isn’t anything specific that I’ve done wrong. If anything, I continue to feel as if I can’t do anything worthy. Which then makes me feel unworthy. I pray to Him, I serve for Him but it’s as if there is something that He is waiting to give us but the timing just isn’t quite right. I’ve been praying persistently and consistently. Maybe I’m not spending enough time in His word? Again, with so much that just naturally falls in our lap, being a family of five now living in a completely different country, in all honesty- my time spent reading His word and on top of that, needing to read Spanish- well, I’ve never read as much as I do now.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12: 9

I’ve certainly had moments to where I know that I can hear Him. His desires, His plan, His purpose for our family but yet there just seems to be so much that is still so unknown at times, it can weigh a burden on my chest and a lamenting on my soul. With material things, we’re very content. Our ongoing financial support, it continues to come in every month and then some, but still the feeling of unworthiness and undeserving lingers in my heart. So I’ll rest in what it is that I know God wants me to do. I know, we know, that He wants us to remain where we are. Here, in the Dominican Republic. Here, for the people in our communities that we serve and for our ministry with Project Mañana.

I know it can seem or sound so crazy. Why do it? Why are we so convicted to remain where we believe we’ve been led, when it could be so simple to just return from where we came and to fall back into a life where we could essentially do the same thing but in an area that would be more comfortable, easy and frankly, it seems to make more sense! I guess it can all come down to one word. One word that ironically came to me awhile ago and even funnier now as I struggle to know what to write about in this blog, it’s the one thing that helped me find my way back to Him in another moment to which I felt that I was stuck in a waiting, waiting in His timing.

It’s conviction. Our conviction remains in His truth, His son Jesus and all that He did so that we can live for Him, one day be with Him and all those that choose His grace as well- being full of love, forgiveness and humility, to serve others just as He served us. It’s sharing the hope that we have with those that don’t know it, giving our time to spend time with those that feel unloved and disconnected, and above all, it’s what we know He gave to us, when we don’t deserve it…it’s love in selfless serving to offer the same path for many, a one and only way to be with Him eternally.

Remember, you can always check out our website and see our Timothy Project. It’s where all our other projects holistically evolve from within our ministry at Project Mañana. Working together today to restore brokenness as we share the Gospel, the good news! Jesus came, Jesus lives and His love for us never fails, never gives up and pursues us to continuously draw near to God so our faith has the opportunity to grow and be stretched in accordance with His will.

It’s coming together as a team, a family, one body in Christ, having a desire to serve the people in our communities well. It’s partnering with so many from all over, helping to continue bringing resources, encouragement and care. It’s pursuing Him, His truth and living it out in obedience even if it means our comforts, wants/needs have to be set aside in a way to place our trust in Him. And when we do it, we don’t do it out of getting something in return but we do it out of duty, out of honor. Honoring to Him and humbly receiving any discomfort, uneasiness or guilt that our hearts can sometimes be allowed to feel and we will all the more praise in it, because we know it can work good in us, for growth and transformation.

Usually we can ask that you pray for our family but will you just take the time to pray for us all? The people we serve, our ministry and staff that work together and for all of those that serve alongside us, in financial support and prayers. Please, join us in what we are doing. Join us in what we only want to try to accomplish for Him. Can you see it? We can choose today to submit our lives to His grace, His truth and His love. We can choose to give of ourselves, helping and serving, to generations upon generations. Worship along with us and let us know if you’d like to get involved today!

He is for you and has a place for you, if we can only just receive it.

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